just for shits and giggles...

I think I'm gonna run the dishwasher o' doom, today.

we settle (or will settle) on the new house in about 3 hours, which means we are FINALLY liberated from this hell-hole!

in case I've never fully relayed the story...here it be:

-tired of paying an exorbitant mortgage that was still in the ex's name...oqui and I decided to do one of several things. buy the house off the ex. no go. the value had dropped such that it would've been a negative equity situation and I don't overpay for ANYTHING...even my own house. sell the house. again, value tanked. no way to sell. hand the keys over to the ex and be about our merry bidness buying a new one. we opted for that.

and oooooh, lawdy! did that turn out to be a disaster!

- went in and out of contract on a whole shite load of properties over the course of several months. inspections. jitters. realizing we're having another sprout and need a hella big house. needless to say...we wasted alot of time, money and probably irreparably damaged our karma. fun.

- ran outta time. the ex had his moving van reserved had nowhere to live in a few days and we had to be outta the house unless he and oqui were gonna spoon for a few weeks. which leads us to....

- the worst decision of our lives. we re-entered an offer on a previously disregarded property (too much work to be done) because we knew the seller would take it, it was big enough and with 20 or 30 grand of work the house would be stellar. from that moment on...we have been so fucked.

- seller takes our offer, but turns out to be ape.shit.fucking.crazy. there is an undisclosed bankruptcy, mental competency issues, the title can't clear, the guy's a general purpose fuck up (not to mention STUPID), and we're a few days away from being homeless when we have to make a decision...

move into dickhead's house and rent until (if?) title clears, buy the piece of shit, spend 2 years fixing it and live happily ever after...

or be homeless?

- we move into dickhead's house. KARMA was in full-force. our movers didn't show up (they actually posted our info - addresses, phone numbers, names, EVERYTHING - on craigslist emploring people to come photograph our belongings. I STILL want them dead), our shit didn't fit in the truck, the garage was soggy when we got here (ie. nowhere to put shit), so on and so on and so on.

fun, fun.

- we are yet hopeful and start busting our asses and wallets trying to get this dump habitable. my 73 year old grandfather came and removed the leaves that this asshole had let sit for YEARS. cousins, nieces, niece's boyfriends, mom, stepdad, friends, friends' friends, and near strangers scrubbed, sanded and painted this heap of hell with us. and then we waited...

waited...waited...for title to clear, settlement to go down and to rip out the DISGUSTING kitchen and bathroom so I wouldn't feel too skeeved to bathe, here.

nothing doing.

- we get pissed. and more pissed...and more pissed. the stove literally blew up in my face. the dishwasher drains into the sink cabinet...oh yeah, the sink is broken - along with every other piece of plumbing in the house, no oil in the tank, faulty wiring, fire hazards, dead limbs hanging over bedrooms...

I want badly to hurt dear chuck-o, our "landlord" of sorts.

- final straw. we sent an addendum ammending our "rental" agreement over to the seller specifying that we are SICK OF HIS BULLSHIT and will absolutely NOT be paying a dime in rent for December (listing our extensive repair expenses for undisclosed bullshit as cause), giving him 12 hours to sign or we're fucking outta here.

- the asshole won't sign it.

-fuck to you, asshole. we terminate the agreement, STILL refuse to pay him a dime in rent, and now he gets to sit on his mortgage for months until a. he clears title (if ever) b. some other bunch of retards agrees to buy this heap. c. hell freezes over.

see? I told you he was dumb.

- we DEMAND our deposit money back and threaten to sue the pants off of him for our expenses. should be an easy case since it is CLEARLY OUTLINED IN OUR CONTRACT that he would be responsible for such expenses.

- his lawyers are assholes, too. our deposit money...still in escrow at the broker's office, somehow gets tangled up as one of his "assets" in a bankrupty procedure.

- we hate everybody...and start calling lawyers.

- meanwhile, we look for other houses. first time out, oqui and I fight like hell. this is getting too stressful. our agent (bless his little heart) is stillll trying to talk oqui into sticking the hell-hole deal out, so....

- I gotta flip my shit on everyone. foot down. no more fucking around. we are motherfucking OUTTA here. they finally listen. all is (somewhat) well...we keep looking.

- enter into contract on another house, but we're definitely "setttling". while it's big, in great shape and extremely well maintained...the school district is sub-par, it is NOT in our gorgeous neighborhood and we've recently come to find its half a mile from a trailer park. oh wells. diversity is good....right.

- we come to find the hella mess with crazy seller is legally holding our shit up.

- we get even angrier. weeks pass. we're still living in filth with 83% of our belongings unpacked, but somehow...I think we're finding peace. I've just stopped thinking about how disgusting the kitchen is (oh, I've also completely stopped cooking), I don't touch the bathroom floor (which no amount of scrubbing will EVER clean)....and we just DEAL.

- still dealing...still dealing. finally we get in touch with the CORRECT lawyer who sets everyone straight, the contract is cleared, the money returned and we are set to settle in just a few hours on the new, much more appropriate...bigger house.

which leads me to the dishwasher o' doom...

it's been pretty rough trying to feed a family of four in a totally inadequate kitchen with almost no working appliances and since its the monkey's job to do the dishes...and the dishwasher leaks like a sieve...

we haven't had a clean dish in weeks.

but since I gotta pack these fuckers one way or another, and I won't be here long enough to enjoy the mold that will undoubtedly thrive under the sink post-dishwasher cycle...

I'ma load that bitch up, throw some towels on the floor and try my damnedest to leave this place in the condidtion we got it...

completely fucked up.


amen. hallelujah. who wants to help us move?