field trip!

I had some fun. not too much. not too little.

we got lost in the corn maze (we almost had to cheat), I got to hold a puppie. the cats stayed away. the cows licked us (all but the dead one). the bees haraunged us endlessly...

and I, once again, ended a day without hitting a child.

a success.

due to school regulations, me being lazy, and my students being generally hideous (kidding! hispanic children are CUUUUUTE!!!!)...I didn't take my camera on today's excursion to something or other farm...

so feast your eyes on some fakies.

^ this one's for you, Diablito.

I blog because I'm angry.

this is my official fuck PM-motherfucking-S blog.

its a cunt.
a motherless whore.
a flea infested mongrel.

its a barnacle on my back, abdomen and attitude.
its the curse of a not-so benevolent god.

its eve's fucking fault.

its the reason Miss Suki is drinking Saki.
it made three children cry today.

it made me eat twice my daily allotment of calories before dinner.
its making me feel less like going to my second job than I want to murder everyone in sight.

it made me flip the bird to a dude in a work truck...then jump a curb and pedal through the woods to avoid retribution.

it also made me flip him the bird again when I just happened to emerge at the same corner as he.

it made me swear off high heels.
it made me tell a parent, ever so politely (NOT) to keep her son in check.

its making my child hide.
my dogs cower
and my eyes bleed.

it forced me into "comfy" pants...

and then made me hate them.

Its making it hard to remember what I find joy in...

but at least I know it'll be over soon.

If I happened to call your mother a cockjockey or punch your kid in the lip today...

my apologies.

Sincerely,
The Second Side of Suki

ps. I hate you all...but only for today.

...maybe tomorrow, too.

I weigh 120

a buck fiddy with my bike and a full camelbak.

give or take...

and have already eaten 2700 calories today.

it's 2pm.

I'm thinking tapeworm.

hand sanitizer...

and other random thoughts on my 20 minute break.

I work with children. day, night, weekends. all sorts of them. little ones, slightly less little ones, smart ones, smart ass ones, bad ass ones, big ass ones.

all of them...have runny noses. hand sanitizer and I have become uber well acquainted as of late. I smell like a hospital and say 3,978 times a day, "GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH OR MISS SUKI'S GONNA CUT YOUR FINGERS OFF!!!"

I lectured them on MRSA, chickenpox (both confirmed in my district), pinworm, blood butt, and snot noses. I've instituted a strict WASH YOUR CRUDDY HANDS every time you need a tissue policy...

and I've taught them to do so whilst minimizing water consumption.

I also told them that I ride my bike to help the enviroment. they didn't get it. I'm cancelling math (think the school board'll mind??? hehehe) and instead schooling them on the hideousnesses (<---thats a word. I said so) of a petroleum based economy...and taking them to a farm tomorrow to get dirty.

how lucky am I? I get to sub for a field trip.

can I get a woot?

can I also get gay men to stop hitting on my man?

excuse me, sir. yes, I KNOW he's cute...but he isn't a cock smoker. kindly get your hand off his ass.

thank you.

yesterday (I told you this would be random) the O and I had to bail on a night of climbing with some of my favorite peeps. we both just had SOOOO much work to do. I have a ginormous meeting this afternoon for one of my shelter kids. seems the little whackjob has taken to kicking pregnant teachers, asking other students to suck his dick, beating the hell out of anyone in sight...

and he's only six.

this is a mixed bag for me. I HATE that this kid has so many hurdles to overcome...but I actually like the feeling that I'm being useful. benevolent, my ass. apparently, I'm in this for the cozies I get when I help someone out.

suki is selfish.

I get the call outlining his recent transgressions and am asked when I'm available to pow wow. ummm...never. I'm working my ass off, but...ok. tomorrow? I made a few suggestions, expanded the invite list, leveraged a few contacts...

and now a dozen women will meet this afternoon to discuss how to keep this kid out of prison.

the good news...I have a feeling I'll be the one with the greatest number of suggestions on how to get this done. I'm good at that. I can coordinate resources, plan a course of action, tell everyone what they need to hear to get motivated...

then run out the door b/c I'm late for something else.

ha, bitches! pay ME $11/hour for three million dollars worth of stress and you'll get what you pay for...

delegation.

woot.

I decided on this morning's ride to work:

-my very first cold weather riding gear purchase is going to be full finger gloves. oww.
-I'm never taking teacher's manuals home again. they're heavy
-helmet hair suits me
-nothing works up a good morning poo like a ride through the museum gardens

in other (other other) news...oqui surprised me the other night with an inspirational note. the card pictured a little girl leaning against a boulder appearing as though she's holding it up.

I love this man.

he also bought me nutty buddies and a bottle of wine.

I really love this man.


TONIGHT....I make lasagna.

its cold.

I'm not complaining. merely making an observation...


and realizing it may be time for me to supply myself with some cold weather riding gear. I was zipping (yeah, I zipped. it rocked) down a hill yesterday with a brisk wind (right off the water, mind you) smacking me in the grill and I realized:


its cold.

at the tail end of the ride, sun slipping behind the purty treez and stuffz...chugging (yeah. I chugged) my way back up that monster hill, I realized something else:

fuck. its hot.


how doth one dress to ride in the winter?

as for my riding, recently...I'm still puking every other go (are you ok? are you SURE you're ok???), but am kicking some fucking tail on the climbs.

who'd'a thunk it? I can ride up hills.

you hear that, universe???

I hate it like the dickens (i REAALLLY hate it)...but I can do it. I can climb...

on my bike and not just with a rope.

I. can. climb.

in fact...I climb so well (by MY standards, mind you) that I'm going to reward myself...

with (you guessed it)...

CHOCOLATE!

one beat words.

the O and I have a game. we speak with words with one beat and no more. we got the kid to do it, too.

it can be hard to do at times. yet, we keep with it.

try to ask for you food in a place where you pay to eat....and it gets rough. you can't get the things with the grooves that need the sweet stuff on top and not look like a tool.

I really love the round white plants with starch when they mash them...but those are hard to get, too.

this can go on for hours at times. it gets to be a thing you can't quit.

I don't think you should start.

though I doubt you have a choice, now.

ha, fools!

granogue...unclothed.

fat marc... showing us sexy.

zayne...showing us sexy.

the 'stache...showing us sexy.

rob's nipple...showing me sexy.

diane and I...showing you sexy.

rotten...showing us sexy.

oqui....showing us sexy.

ape shit.

my dogs are going nuts.

medication

my kid is unsupervised and eating snow cones for dinner.

attention

my students are out o' control (after lunch, anyway).

detention

I'm fat. My pants don't fit.

(water) retention

MRSA and chicken pox (yes. chicken pox) broke out in my school.

prescription

I'm stressed and cranky.





...copulation

Hi. My name is Suki...

and all I talk about is work. possibly because...outside of cooking, cleaning, humping (yeah. I said it. jealous?) and sleeping...

it's all I do.

(and nobody wants to hear about me cleaning, I'm sure.)

I was just about to sum up yet another day in prison...errr...school...when I realized:

you guys probably don't give a shit. so I sat here racking my brain over something to write about...

and came up with precisely di-ock.

thusly, for your daily installment of life according to suki, I'm going to grace you with as many one syllable words as I can think of that mean (or imply) to have sex.

1. fuck
2. scromp
3. bone
4. hump
5. shag
6. twist
7. screw
8. nut
9. hit
10. flip
11. spin
12. ice
13. hurt
14. nail
15. tag
16. do
17. kill
18. bang
19. poke
20. toss
21. lay
22. sack
23. wank (<----does sex alone count?)
24. slide
25. bag
26. smash
27. freak
28. grind
29. bump
30. bend
31....



a little help here, guys?

I thoroughly dislike children today

prescription: alcohol

I'm in yet another learning support classroom (that seems to be all this district has) today. 1st and 2nd graders...

and I don' t like them very much just now.

I think it has something to do with the disorganized state the room was in when I got here. "Oh! You mean I DO have a sub??? I guess I better bring the kids back." they had been split between multiple classrooms. some had eaten. some hadn't. most missed their speech/english language learner support teachers. they arrived at different times...

and all of them had to pee.

add to that mixture a classroom assistant with ZERO desire to be here (I think she was looking forward to the afternoon off until I got here)....and you've got yourself one unruly bunch of monkies.

a class like this coming on the heels of yesterday's debacle (they pulled the bait and switch on me. brought me in for one class then pawned the small headed and large fisted ree's on me) leads me to several conclusions.

1. I like chocolate (ok. I knew that already, but whatev. its my blog. shut yer pieholes).
2. I need a day off.
3. I want a cosmo.
4. Hitting is NEVER ok (I knew that one, too. I'm just reaffirming)

all that being said...tomorrow I'm starting my longest stretch of full time days yet this year.

I sho hope I don't kill me no childrenz.

oh yeah...I forgot

we made love on the balcony yesterday.

in broad daylight.

30 feet from the street.

the dogs were watching.

I'm thinking we're gonna have the Oquipah shave that beard after all...

into one of these:

granogue.

I'm moving there.

who else is in?


went to do some hardcore, elite, digging deep spectating this weekend.

had a ball.

I saw a cross race for the first time (ow. it looks like it hurts). saw wes and amy race for the first time. met sam and meg in person. hung with buddy and rachel. caught up with mark and the monkey. ran into dieter and did some grab-assing with rotten rob. (I'm not going to talk about me trying to fix the kids' race for my homeboy on the redline. nope. I'm not going to talk about that at all....)

the weather was amazing the scenery was gorgeous (dahling) and my ass...as usual...

fantastic. (KIDDING!!!! I have a ghetto booty and I think we all know it by now)

sam did some great work for HERA. the winner of the raffle, very graciously, donated their winnings back to the cause. good stuff.

meg said I was pretty (and looked surprised to do so). I told her she's an awful liar but made her hug me anyway.

wes forgot how to shift ;-)

rob's nipple tasted funny.

someone handed me a PBR.

rachel told Oqui the beard HAS TO GO! (and also pointed out the gray in it) we almost had to arm wrestle. that man's beard is teh hawtness.

amy rode hard and looked good doing it.

the monkey and faticus showed me how to scrum and cheer at the run-up (guess who taught what).

I counted 43 porn star mustaches...

and Kim and frank managed to elude me.

(they'll pay for that.)


besides a great time and a fun outing...I got one other thing from watching those races...


I went for a ride the next day, and rode my little heart out. I pretended I was racing. (I also pretended that I wouldn't be lapped 8 minutes in). I pedaled up hills I've never even considered before...

I did it in granny gear.

but I did it.

I think I'll go watch another race this weekend, too.

I feel fucking fabulous.

I'm tired as hell.

I'm working two underpaid and under-appreciated jobs.

I'm broke.

My face is full of zits (why the hell IS that???).

My booty is too big...

yet I feel fucking fabulous.

for the first time in a gazillion years I feel productive. I'm teaching future muggers and car-jackers (just a guess) during the day and acting as a parenting counselor to homeless women at night.

in other words...I'm running around like a ree, constantly covered in boogers...and finally...

finally...feeling like I'm making a contribution. (not to mention feeling like I can own a checkbook again. yay. I'm (re) grown up)

the teaching is frustrating, tiring, all but charity work...and is absolutely by far THE single most rewarding thing I've ever done (outside of squeezing out a pup 12 years ago).

I figured it out. I'm good at it. I have ZERO intention of pursuing it as a career, (Hi. Welcome to burnout. Here's your Bloody Mary)...

but for now... it doesn't suck.

I'm dragging my over-tired, sleep deprived ass out of bed every morning feeling competent, self-assured and totally hot (at least the 5th grade boys think so).

two teachers last week even inadvertently complimented me.

teacher one: she looks artsy.

teacher two: well, she sure is a snazzy dresser, isn't she?

ha! those two statements alone earned me 43 points. the kids tell me they love my shoes/hair/shirt/bag (a quarter at goodwill), or that I'm "ill cool" or "mad chill" all the time...

but when a fellow teacher calls me artsy...

I know I'm home.

speaking of home...I'm never there. so if you wanna catch up with me, I'll be the harried looking one with pigtails and a headscarf running down the street with a large mug of tea in my hand.

ps. while sam schooled me in the ways of safe blogging, and told me NEVER to tell where I'm GOING to be...only where I've been...

for those of you who are interested...I'm super excited to say I'll be at the:

race tomorrow.

the one on the:

estate.

trying to be cool enough to hang out with some of these guys:

you guys suck.

I used to feel like people read this blog.

there was commenting. e-mailing. the occassional, "OH! so YOU'RE suki!" at the gym or whatnot...

now, you've grown complacent my weary readers. (and no. I WILL NOT accept responsibility for this...regardless of whether or not my blog has been sucking horse dong)

you (plural) need to make it up to me. inspire me.

I want flowers. candy. baked goods and cash donations PRONTO, punks!

pics. revisited. again. another time. last one. I swear it.

(some of you might know this ^ guy)

ella no espanol

seriously...

I've gotta learn spanish.

I'm currently functioning as an ELA Resource Room teacher (ie. traveling bi-lingual tutor) at an urban elementary school....and am getting my ass handed to me.

a 45lb peanut looked at me in earnest yesterday and said with an accusing look, "ella no espanol."

she was mad. she was trying her damnest to tell me something. probably the equivalent of "miss. I like your shoes" when she realized...

I wasn't catching a lick of it.

I was fortunate enough to have two six year old "translators" to help me muddle through the madness. I told them to tell the class that by no means was I going to attempt to teach them enlgish...

they were, instead, going to teach me spanish.

yeah. they taught me spanish alright.

I can now tell your mother to tie my shoes and your daddy to kiss my *@%#@.


dolls. absolute dolls.

I'm sooo gonna learn this language and teach them a thing or two....



hopefully addition and phonics.

my heroine

*if you wanna ride...then ride the white pony*


I met a woman today...

impressed me with her strength.
more talented than she knows.
renewed my faith.
challenged me to stick with it.

totally punked my bitch ass.

made me look like a wet baby bird, wrapped in sissy baby chicken with a side of soft-shoed, bootie ass punk motherfucker.

my crack....errr. I meant heroine.

she's 26 years old. has FOUR children (set of 5 year old twins) and looks STELLAR. married at age 17 to the same man for 9 years. recently divorced.

working her ass off at two jobs to keep her kids fed...then going to school at 10pm to become a teacher one day.

one class at a time...one day pretty far off.

I heart this chick. supremely talented with the children, multi-lingual, patient and thorough...

the "aide" ran the classroom today while I sat around thinking, "shit. I should probably stop complaining. damn. maybe I should pony up. fuck. this chick makes this look easy. bitch! where the hell did she get those boobs?"

(I missed the round up for the boobie line)

so between the inspiration this girl unknowingly provided and a brief yet poignant convo with the oqui-san last night...I finally decided to commit to the subbing contract and give them 120 days this year.

it ups my pay. it affords me health insurance...and it keeps my bitch ass working.

yet...despite my newly acquired sense of commitment to actually contributing to my survival...

I came home tired as hell and bitching at the kid today; ready to throw in the towel.

I guess this is the part where the actual work begins...not so much in the classroom...

but in clearing out the cobwebs and insecurities in my own dome.



but cleaning is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard...and I'm tired.

dammit.

Mr. Suki's Boxes

I came home yesterday to a living room full of boxes and a soon-to-be ex-husband chirping around the house getting ready for his big move.

He had a bandana on, music turned up and a determined way about him.

Stunned (not sure why. I KNEW he was moving this weekend), I say to him, "so I guess that's it, huh? you're moving out."

smile on his face and lilt to his voice he replies with, "why? you gonna miss me?"

then all at once, it hit me...

yeah, I am.

I started bawling. I just lost it. In that moment, surrounded by boxes of his things in "our" home...I realized what had happened...

what I'd done.

I'd robbed this man of his wife, his family and home...hell, even his dogs. He had done nothing but take care of me and be my friend for the last three years...yet here he was packing his shit.

What happened? When I married him I was in love with him. It was for keeps. I couldn't imagine a day when he'd be moving out...out of a home that, by his own admission, he'd bought for the kid and I.

I really questioned myself, yesterday. What kind of person am I that I let this happen? Why did I stray? What the hell happened??? Can I trust "love?"...

Can I trust myself?

I expressed these feelings to two of my best friends...oqui and matty. Matty responded with concern and a firm kick to the ass...while oqui didn't know how to respond (text message: I'm not sure how to respond to that.)

I guess what I needed was to hear that it'll be alright. there isn't a special place reserved in hell for me. I suppose that I wanted to hear that, yeah, I AM a bad person...but that's ok, too, because I'm human. I realize that I wanted to hear someone tell me to shut my fucking mouth, deal with the mess I'd created and NEVER do it, again...

I really just wanted someone to cry on.

I'd dissed my best friend.


what kind of an asshole does that???

let's just see, now shall we?

This morning's park job earned me three dirty looks, a blown horn and "the finger" from a school bus driver.

I shit you not...a school bus driver flipped me off.

(the fact that I had it coming does not detract from the irony of that in the least)

Deciding to brave street parking for yet another day, I drove the beater to work, again. Half of the streets were off limits b/c of street cleaning later in the day, and the other half were full.

8:13, supposed to be at work in two minutes...things were getting ugly. I pulled some duke's of hazard mid-intersection k-turn bullshit and threw the jeep in a tiny crevice next to a not-so-kosher looking alley.

got out of the car and tripped over four people sitting on the curb.

Suki's log. School date 200.26
8:14 in the morning: tripped over crackheads.

I decide to play this one straight.

'sup? g'morning. hey...umm...yesterday some *insert slang spanish cuss words* were sitting on my car when I came out...can you keep an eye on it for me?


haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha

five bucks says I have 3 flat tires and some rice and beans on my hood when I get out there this afternoon.


no big whoop. the hub gets the jeep in the divorce anyway.

super

last week I was parked in at a tiny elementary school parking lot for thirty minutes.

super.

when the offending parker finally showed up, I was cut off by another teacher who had just gotten to his car 45 seconds ago.

swell.

this morning I decide to park on the street to avoid wanting to put anyone in a full nelson and just happen to witness a drug transaction not 40 yards from an elementary school for my efforts.

fantastic.

this afternoon when I left I found an entire family (extended, mind you. not just nuclear) of natives sitting on the hood of my car. mom, dad, two kids, an aunt, cousin and supscisiously young looking "abuela" all chilling like my vehicle is an upholstered lounger.

stellar.

I have to go back again tomorrow.

splendid.

fall.

yes, please and thank you kindly.

for the first time in a few years I bought a haybale. I also bought cornstalks, pumpkins, mums (I hate mums, btw), gourds, indian corn and some cool looking berry stalk thingies.

above items have since found their way into a relatively attractive arrangement about the front and side of my home (including herbert the demonic pumpkin-man) in an attempt to say, "you like me. you want to buy me."

pity. I haven't made the effort or gone to the expense to beautify my home in such a fashion other than...

to sucker some chump into thinking, "this place is nice. I bet it has cookies, too."

sorry guys. no cookies this weekend, but if you behave real nice, schedule your showing now and have your checkbooks handy upon arrival...


I might give you a blowjob.