my heroine

*if you wanna ride...then ride the white pony*


I met a woman today...

impressed me with her strength.
more talented than she knows.
renewed my faith.
challenged me to stick with it.

totally punked my bitch ass.

made me look like a wet baby bird, wrapped in sissy baby chicken with a side of soft-shoed, bootie ass punk motherfucker.

my crack....errr. I meant heroine.

she's 26 years old. has FOUR children (set of 5 year old twins) and looks STELLAR. married at age 17 to the same man for 9 years. recently divorced.

working her ass off at two jobs to keep her kids fed...then going to school at 10pm to become a teacher one day.

one class at a time...one day pretty far off.

I heart this chick. supremely talented with the children, multi-lingual, patient and thorough...

the "aide" ran the classroom today while I sat around thinking, "shit. I should probably stop complaining. damn. maybe I should pony up. fuck. this chick makes this look easy. bitch! where the hell did she get those boobs?"

(I missed the round up for the boobie line)

so between the inspiration this girl unknowingly provided and a brief yet poignant convo with the oqui-san last night...I finally decided to commit to the subbing contract and give them 120 days this year.

it ups my pay. it affords me health insurance...and it keeps my bitch ass working.

yet...despite my newly acquired sense of commitment to actually contributing to my survival...

I came home tired as hell and bitching at the kid today; ready to throw in the towel.

I guess this is the part where the actual work begins...not so much in the classroom...

but in clearing out the cobwebs and insecurities in my own dome.



but cleaning is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard...and I'm tired.

dammit.