stop reading here.
if you have a uterus...my condolences.
you wanna know the only thing on the planet thats actually worse than HAVING my period???
not having it.
more specifically...the process of getting it.
the 'P' in PMS has been driving me to lunacy for the last four days.
FOUR???
motherbitch, it used to be two!!! why is it that as I get older...my stretch of agony increases exponentially?
fuck you, hormones. fuck you hard (mmmm...not a bad idea, actually...)
I've been covered in kid snot and cow poo for days and doing my best to fight off a monster germ. echinacea tea, zinc tablets, multi-vitamins, fresh fruit, vitamin c like its my job, trying to get some rest, hot baths, etc...
then auntie flow starts planning her visit, making reservations, setting up shop and preparing camp....
my strength (and patience) reserve goes to zero...
and voila!
the suki is sick.
I woke up this morning feeling like a rodeo clown. beat up. tired. bruised and looking ridiculous (my "fat pants" are NOT attractive).
I've got 22 kids with four tests tomorrow...I. must. pull. it. together.
we got through language arts (formerly known as "reading"). they seem prepared. if I can make it through "intervention," grammar, recess, math, social studies and dismissal...
I'll put a tick mark on the calendar, get into my jammies and pretend this whole debacle (me going to work peeming) never happened.
...and I'll do so without flipping anyone the bird.
promise.
4 comments:
I have a penis, can I be of any assistance? Be strong until the end of the school day then straight home. Hot bath with a warm cup of tea. Comfy clothes and a date with a long slumber. You deserve a restful night. It's almost the weekend...
any assistance from you (and your dinger) are always appreciated.
I love my uterus. Don't curse the gyn organs... they can get mad and do evil things. Didn't you read my post about murphy's law!?!?!?
LOVE THE UTERUS. LOVE THE OVARIES! AIR OUT THE VULVA!
May I recommend parsley tea? Dried parsley. Boil in water. Strain. Drink 2-3 times a day until Aunt Flo rings your bell. And you can be at peace with your woman parts again.
I'm queen of the irregular cycle. Nothing to raise my OB/GYN's eyebrows--just 4-6 days off sometimes--and enough to drive the rest of my family to therapy.
If you don't have a clotting issue, Dong Quai 3x per day can get it started too--just stop it when it comes because--well--to avoid anything graphic on the Suki blog--just because. :)
Feel better!!
Post a Comment