I've found it.

the single least flattering pair of shorts I've ever worn.

I thought velour would never be dethroned as the all-time making my ass look the worst victor...

but these shorts take the horse pooky.

I'll wear them with pride as I walk the ghetto streets of little dominico...

DARING some fool to whistle or blow me kisses.

I guess I should blog.

nah.


just revisit a few choice old ones and you'll get the jist.

nothing new brewing.

perspective

something about the sheer volume of stars contained in the new england sky.
something about the company and comfort of two giggling little girls and the man I love.
something to do with the open and welcoming homes of near strangers who spent an entire week perfecting the birthday meal of a child not their own.
something to do with finally finding a place where I want to spend the next five or six decades of my life...

and who I'm going to spend them with.

I'll provide a trip update once I've slept another 8-10 hours and reacclimated to this state (physical, emotional and geographical).

hope you all had a great weekend...

because I just had one of the best ones of my life.

lick my taint, mold.

you bastard spores. stop invading my sinuses and making me sleepy.

quit with the snot.
the itchy eyes.
the sinus headache.

and the yicky mood caused by all three.

stop effing with my mucus membranes and get out of my house, car, environment, life.

go to that bastard ex-boss of mine's house. you know...

the one who still owes me a few grand? yeah, that one...

go there and fuck with him, instead.

children smell funny

particularly when they're all lined up in a small hallway, shoes off, ready to be weighed...

but god damn did I missed them.

today was my first day back. I was the "resource room" teacher (no room, as usual overcrowding in this district dictates) at an elementary school. that means I got to take the learning support kids to the side of the room and harass them individually for the majority of the day.

some of them...the lights were on, but nobody was home. I feel for those kids. they try so hard steam comes out of their little ratty ears, yet no forward motion is obtained.

I hope there is a (safe and welcoming) place for them in society when their school days end. nowhere else can I imagine they are taken to the side and offered the special help they need (but can't always utilize) to do the most basic of tasks.

pity.

in other news...I looked fucking fabulous today. very much like my soon-to-be 12 year old but fabulous (fabulous entails crappy hair, droopy eyes and a few skin blemishes these days. right?), nonetheless.

half of my outfit was hers.

don't tell her that. I got home before her and returned all of her clothing, smelling only slightly of naughty mommy, to her closet.

I'm already planning which of her outfits I'll be wearing tomorrow.

in other (other) news...oqui and I went for a tiny little spin yesterday.

my god...the man is sexy on a bike. I remember thinking the first time I saw him at the rock gym "stop being a pussy and just climb it"

wait...I'm pretty sure I actually yelled that at him, as well. (come to think of it, the second time I saw him I think I stuck out my tongue, threw a few zingers at 'im, and probably threatened him with a smack or two)

but...on a bike, he's confident, strong, sexy, determined, way faster than I am and all smiles.

he wants to race. I want him to race.

but I want him to do it in a downhill helmet.

his noggin is fairly precious to me. (as are other portions of his anatomy, as well).

I've been hesitant to spout off about him here because I know some people who read this might take offense...but, as I've said to myself time and again.

this is my blog, dammit.

and today I'm going to act like it.

I'm ridiculously in love with this man. I don't know where it came from, or how I was lucky enough to find it...but there is a connection between the two of us that can't be denied. I'm not sure that I've ever felt this strongly about another person that I haven't given birth to myself.

Starting our relationship as friends and climbing partners was one of the most carefree, effortless things I've ever done. we clicked...from moment one.

the metamorphosis to something more was (although ill-timed and less than socially acceptable) was exactly the same. we knew. others knew. it is and has been like the universe was trying to make this happen.

I just regret not having spent the last 10 or so years with him. I'm upset that I'm meeting him this late in the game. we're in our 30's...we've only got about half a century to go.

I would've preferred a minimum of 75 years together....but I'll take what I can get.

I hate that this causes Mark pain, though. He and I had a strong connection almost from the beginning, as well...and I'm sadder than words can describe about the fact that our relationship has changed the way it has.

I want him to be happy. I want him to find with another woman what I have with Oqui. I want him to be healthy and focused.

I want him to make fantastic art.

BUT in other (other, other) news:

I've found my dog Nandie's spot.

I can make his leg go with almost zero effort.

the dog...

will be tortured incessantly until I tire of these shenanigans.


If you're religious...pray for him.

the hits just keep on coming

I got a raise.

I'll now make as much as a daily sub as I would have last year as a contracted long-term sub.

it's still poo.

but 35% more poo.

I'm going to treat myself...

goodwill, here I come!

relief

I just found out that I don't need to wait for my fbi clearance to start working.

I was hired before the act went into effect.

I can start working monday.

the pay is (and always has been) poo...but its enough with help.

amazingly...

I'm no longer, nauseous.

amen.


EDIT: and if that weren't enough relief in and of itself...I just got the interview call for the parenting program.

*doing a little dance. doing a little dance*

.

I was so upset this morning. I couldn't take it.

so I took a nap.

now, I'm awake...and still upset.

I need money. I need money, quickly.

the apartment that we found is the only one that will allow us the dogs (maybe allow us the dogs) and the manager is seeming an awful lot like he's going to back out.

says he's phasing dogs out.

I need to give him a deposit ASAP to cement our place in that building...and I don't have a dime to spare.

oqui's in a mess having to pay rent at two places and has absolutely nothing to spare, either. he just took a second job. unbelievable that he has to do that...while I'm still looking for a first.

so much stress.

I have to borrow money. I HATE borrowing money...and if the house doesn't sell...I lose the deposit and have no quick and easy way of repaying the loan.

not to mention I won't be able to afford the mortgage and will continue to not have a place of my own to live.

I sent resumes (not enough) yesterday. there was a job I'm really excited about. I called and spoke to the hiring manager. let her know my info was coming. I'm a little disappointed that she hasn't called me to schedule an interview.

I'm qualified for this one. I swear it.

I have to send fifty zillion more...and try not to get nauseous every time I sit at this computer.

my dogs (both, I've discovered) are chewers. they've eaten both their beds, shredded a camping pad for sleeping and devoured random assorted miscellaneous items that were none of their damned business (thank you very much!).

I think I might have to kill them. particularly since the hub now says he can't/won't take them if this apartment falls through.

I'm going to scream.

I really am...

going to scream.

odd

I need to motivate myself. I've got alot left to do.

I want to find a super productive place inside myself where it just...flows. I've been getting plenty done, but not enough.

while it feels like things are moving along at a fair clip...I still woke up this morning feeling alone. lonely. confused (I didn't know where I was and was wrapped like a corndog in the duvet cover. scary). a little hurt and very scared.

such strange dreams.

I haven't spoken to my friends in months. only one showing of the house. disjointed living arrangements.

I don't even pet my dogs.

I'm ready for this to end.

an ode to noogie

I had sex in your hot tub.
and at your wedding reception.
and in your mom's shower.
and on your bed.

and while you were going for ice cream...

yeah, I had some sex then, too.

I had sex while you were putting your kids to bed.
I had sex while MY kid was in bed.
I had sex on the floor in my mom's spare room.

I had sex with the lights on.
I had sex with my shirt on.
I had sex with my dress up...

and left ass prints on the wall.

I did it while you were at work.
I did it when you weren't.
I did it with the dogs watching...

and the neighbors, too.

I've done it sober, drunk, straight and high.
I've done it in tents, vehicles and in the ocean.
I've done it 11 times in one day.

I've gone months without it.

I like it alot...sometimes I like it more.
I like to do it when its raining.
I like to fall asleep right afterwards.
I like to keep my eyes open.
I even like to bite.

yet...as much, and as many ways as I love "it".

I love you even more.