pasty white in PA seeking real job

I realized two things while gnoshing some hardcore Hershey's.

1. I'm white as a mofo. It's time to get a lil Orange County and seek UV rays.

say HELLO to my raccoon tan.

2. I should get a "real" job. If I were a regular ol' vanilla variety teacher...certified, with a classroom and BENEFITS...I'd probably want to murder myself...but at least I'd have insurance and a union rep when the attempt failed and I wound up in "the ward."

but...I'm not. my degree in developmental psych (read: arts and crafts college) stopped JUST shy of ensuring future employability and most of my "real" jobitude was in...

believe it or not...

financial systems software design.

*shudder*

the pay was swell and I vaguely remember being able to see a doctor, but life was suck-o-rific 40+ hours a week (50 counting commutes) and I wanted to stick a pencil in my thigh on a fairly regular basis.

now...I sub. the pay, as I'm sure you've read here before, absolutely sucks donkey ass...

but I get to move around during the day, from day to day and don't get too terribly bored.

I can act retarded (and I do...ooooh, I do). I stand on desks, flail about, do the cabbage patch (jealous yet?) and pick on kids who have gas and their flies down (some...have both). I'm a good teacher. I'd venture to say that I'm better than good, even...

but I don't have the burden of doing this every. single. day. like "regular" teachers do. I can walk out on assignments, tell kids I know where they live and am going to get "my people" on them, piss in the water fountain and occassionally grope myself in class and STILL have a job the next day.

regular teachers...not so lucky. they're accountable for their students' performance, responsible for their own actions (blecht) and have to answer to their administrators. not so sure I could do it.

the very first time someone told me not to jump on desks I'd probably grunt and fling poo at them.

that being said, however, if I were already certified (what WAS I thinking going pre-med in college, anyway???) I'd probably give it a whirl and take a class.

but at this stage of the game, if I were to spend two years getting a masters and a certificate...I'd be done with the whole teaching thing before I ever got a legit paycheck.

le sigh.

so its an ap in to nursing school (pre-med not TOTALLY wasted, I guess). discounting that whole lil getting kicked out of med school incident a few years back, I think I'm a good candidate and if all goes well will be wearing a gay ass white uniform and kissing doctor ass come fall.

I'm sure I'll hate the work. I hate all work, but the money will be better and after a few years I can go on to become a nurse mid-wife (I hearted ob/gyn rotations) or a nurse anesthestist (they make 120k a year. can I get a woot?).

I know its a responsible move (like not getting knocked up JUST yet)but honestly...

I can't imagine a real job...

without children there.