paradigm shift

I'm not very particular. I am (despite my ranting and raving here...or perhaps BECAUSE of it) fairly easy-going. I'd say that I'm not too terribly tough to live with, either. I go with the flow, don't make a ton of demands and I don't make waves unless seriously provoked.

consider me provoked. I've reached my saturation point. having spent the last several lifetimes (I meant months) in this house, I'm beginning to (finally) get a little territorial.

AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

I take care of business in the house the VAST vast VAST majority of the time, and deserve a little respect of my "personal space"...which, unfortunately, is now the living room. this pisses me off in a lot of regards, but mainly because I used to define my personal space or sanctuary as a forest or mountain top...and have now been relegated to the confines of a house I don't even want...watching a television I can most certainly live without.

and that's where today's straw that broke my back comes into play. I use the TV and DVD player more like a stereo than anything else, and I tend to put Dido (I know. there's no accounting for taste) in when the Prof naps. Today I was zoning out in front of the TV praying that he was actually going to sleep and started doodling in the dust.

it turned into a full screen, somewhat intricate design. it was lame and pretty sissy-like...but it was mine. I needed to relax. I'm burnout. I need a break (more so than just saying "I need a break" can actually convey), and this was the first minorly creative effort I've put forth in a very long time.

it was goofy, but I was proud of it...

and oqui destroyed it within 2 minutes of coming home.

I think he was stunned by how seriously upset about this I am. you just don't go kicking down other people's sand castles. it's inconsiderate, unfair and just plain ol' mean spirited.

he apologized several million times, all the while giggling. dismissing me. trivializing how trully disappointed I was.

if you don't actually feel remorse for something you've done...don't use the word sorry. it's just poor show.

and it isn't just sand castles. I'm coming to realize that, while loving this man to death, I don't always enjoy living with him. sharing living space with other people takes practice and effort. I'm well practiced and put forth a good effort.

I feel more and more often that he does not.

"why is there a wipe here???"
"NOW where are the clothes???"
"you're not watching THIS, are you?"
"why did you do this?"
"why don't you do that?"

I feel like because I'm no longer contributing financially to the household, that I've suddenly, somehow, lost my voting power. like he's opportunistically taking advantage of my sudden lack of perceived power. this, obviously, is not going to work for me.

this morning, he thought it would be clever to intentionally make noise while I was trying to put the Prof back to sleep. very funny. very funny, indeed.

so in turn...I waited until he was good and soaped up and turned off the bathroom light and flushed the toilet. after closing the lid, I even did a little victory dance on the pot.

it was my humorous attempt at a warning shot.

I'm done being the accomodating one. please, oh please, please heed the warning.

there is going to be a major paradigm shift around here one way or another.

either EVERYONE starts making compromises and allowances equally...

or teh suki is going to start voicing her opinions more and more frequently on the matter. I WILL BE CONSIDERED. MY CONCERNS WILL NOT BE IGNORED OR SUBJUGATED. MY SPACE, NEEDS AND DESIRES ARE NOT MEANINGLESS.

I'M FED UP.

...i'm half tempted to build a block tower in the living room. taunting him. BEGGING him to destroy it, so I can justifiably flip the fuck out.