children smell funny

particularly when they're all lined up in a small hallway, shoes off, ready to be weighed...

but god damn did I missed them.

today was my first day back. I was the "resource room" teacher (no room, as usual overcrowding in this district dictates) at an elementary school. that means I got to take the learning support kids to the side of the room and harass them individually for the majority of the day.

some of them...the lights were on, but nobody was home. I feel for those kids. they try so hard steam comes out of their little ratty ears, yet no forward motion is obtained.

I hope there is a (safe and welcoming) place for them in society when their school days end. nowhere else can I imagine they are taken to the side and offered the special help they need (but can't always utilize) to do the most basic of tasks.

pity.

in other news...I looked fucking fabulous today. very much like my soon-to-be 12 year old but fabulous (fabulous entails crappy hair, droopy eyes and a few skin blemishes these days. right?), nonetheless.

half of my outfit was hers.

don't tell her that. I got home before her and returned all of her clothing, smelling only slightly of naughty mommy, to her closet.

I'm already planning which of her outfits I'll be wearing tomorrow.

in other (other) news...oqui and I went for a tiny little spin yesterday.

my god...the man is sexy on a bike. I remember thinking the first time I saw him at the rock gym "stop being a pussy and just climb it"

wait...I'm pretty sure I actually yelled that at him, as well. (come to think of it, the second time I saw him I think I stuck out my tongue, threw a few zingers at 'im, and probably threatened him with a smack or two)

but...on a bike, he's confident, strong, sexy, determined, way faster than I am and all smiles.

he wants to race. I want him to race.

but I want him to do it in a downhill helmet.

his noggin is fairly precious to me. (as are other portions of his anatomy, as well).

I've been hesitant to spout off about him here because I know some people who read this might take offense...but, as I've said to myself time and again.

this is my blog, dammit.

and today I'm going to act like it.

I'm ridiculously in love with this man. I don't know where it came from, or how I was lucky enough to find it...but there is a connection between the two of us that can't be denied. I'm not sure that I've ever felt this strongly about another person that I haven't given birth to myself.

Starting our relationship as friends and climbing partners was one of the most carefree, effortless things I've ever done. we clicked...from moment one.

the metamorphosis to something more was (although ill-timed and less than socially acceptable) was exactly the same. we knew. others knew. it is and has been like the universe was trying to make this happen.

I just regret not having spent the last 10 or so years with him. I'm upset that I'm meeting him this late in the game. we're in our 30's...we've only got about half a century to go.

I would've preferred a minimum of 75 years together....but I'll take what I can get.

I hate that this causes Mark pain, though. He and I had a strong connection almost from the beginning, as well...and I'm sadder than words can describe about the fact that our relationship has changed the way it has.

I want him to be happy. I want him to find with another woman what I have with Oqui. I want him to be healthy and focused.

I want him to make fantastic art.

BUT in other (other, other) news:

I've found my dog Nandie's spot.

I can make his leg go with almost zero effort.

the dog...

will be tortured incessantly until I tire of these shenanigans.


If you're religious...pray for him.