as my niece zayla would say

"its weally fweaky"

I had a dream the other night of a friend's younger brother who died a few years ago of cancer. I never really knew him well...he was, you know...just the kid brother of a girl in my class, but I had a fairly intense dream about his memorial service and some stories I'd heard about him.

then...creepy of all creepiness. I was cleaning up the art room a little bit (ie. shoving shit en masse in already full closets), when something fell out on my foot.

a drawing he had done in fifth grade, matted for an art show.

this made me cry...hard. for alot of reasons. on one hand...its just sad to see someone so bright die so young. this kid was brilliant. then I felt his mother's pain. her children were her life. she was a super duper important person in my life. my mentor. counselor. if it weren't for her I would've never dreamed of even going to college. would've had NO IDEA what my potential was (on second thought...maybe I should DISlike her for giving me the knowledge that I'm an under-achieving slug). then I just plain felt him. after so many years his energy was still on this 6x10 piece of paper. people put off alot of energy in creative pursuits...really pour themselves into their art...but 18 years later? still feeling his vibe to an extent I'm having dreams about him? one little piece of paper shoved in a closet can do that? how DOES that happen?

then I wondered how it was I came to find that particular piece. my biggest concern about cleaning out someone else's classroom has lately been...what do i do with the art? how do I find these people? and lo and behold...geof quite literally fell at my feet.

I've been thinking alot lately about how I know some things I probably shouldn't (zayne can attest to this), how I see some things I really don't want to, and how sometimes I feel so powerless to do anything about it.

I took the drawing to his mother tonight...and couldn't even bring myself to go into the house. I made up a lame excuse, got the hell out of dodge and spent the next hour in my car on the phone with my bestest friend in the whole wide world just...

talking 'bout life.