and that, my friends...is that.

yesterday was the last day of school.

I never thought I'd say it, but...

I cried a little.


after all the quitting I've done over the last year and a half, the fact that this is most likely my last day as "Miss Suki"...ever...kinda hit me. I gave them all my food (and came home ravenous), crocheted them bracelets, and single-handedly manned the effort to keep the custodians from throwing everyone's clothes away. (for which I was rewarded by the secretary with a reprimand that that isn't the way things are done...but she wouldn't tell on me. psssssht!)

the big sign outside my room said, "free coats (and hoodies)...come in!"

most of them were way too goddamned cool to take anything used. in fact...they called ME dirty.
(ha! if only they knew...), but there were a few who were all too eager to snag some name brand clothes (for free) for once.

the very last coat went to a disabled boy who hobbled into my room, gave me a pound and asked (after I looked at him funny and said "do I know you?")...is this the room with the coats and hats?

I only had one left. one last coat out of 15 or more...and I was praying to jesus it fit this poor boy. he tried it on while I held his books. all smiles he said, "yeah, miss. it fits."

I said, "yes, it most certainly does" while holding back tears...

and the boy walked off down the hall still wearing it, despite the fact that it was at least 80 in that building.

I damn near cried.

I now realize that I went into this assignment with every intention of hating the kids, not letting them get to me, and I never even told them my name.

I told them to call me Miss Substitute.

and none of it worked...I'm still gonna miss the shit out of them, and worry my ass off all summer that none of them are falling into the wrong crowd.

stupid fucking city. eats kids alive.

so for what was very likely my last statement from a student, on what was very likely my very last day of teaching ever...I heard yelled from a bus, "Miss Suki!!! are you pregnant?????"

I replied with a simple "yup."

I couldn't bring myself to ask..."are you?" cause the chances of that answer being yes would break my heart.

speaking of breaking hearts...I saw one of my ex-students at the community college a few minutes ago. Her name is Starr. I had her in the pregnant and parenting teens program. She's mildly disabled and was more in love with her unborn baby than anyone else I'd ever seen.

I asked her about him. I wish I hadn't. He was born disabled, removed from her custody...

and is being adopted (CLOSED) any day, now.

I guess I'm busy protecting myself and my own baby...cause I didn't shed a single tear. I just asked her to keep herself on the right track and to make sure she doesn't have any more "accidents" (both sexual and physical. when she was 4 months pregnant she was hit by a bus, broke her rib cage and the baby had a shattered arm. saddest. ultrasound. picture. ever.).

I told her that no woman could survive having a child taken from her twice in one lifetime.

I didn't add that this particular woman can't handle many more of these stories.

summer will be a blessed BLESSED relief from the stress that comes with caring for (and occassionally trying to teach) kids.

I'm gonna get a nice easy part-time job directing air traffic or something...

and finally relax.


with school being out...I think I'm finally liking being pregnant, too. I know the 'pah sure is. the larger I get...

the bigger his grin.


even though my pants don't fit...It's kinda nice.


(insert pretend pics of my big belly AND grin)