they're cheesey, gay, a rip off, and a bit "in your face" if you know what I mean.
Life Touch, purveyor of cheesey portraiture, happens to be at the top of my list of companies that should be allowed nowhere near a school.
take the district I teach in, for instance...85% of these kids receive free lunch, medical assistance and food stamps. they don't have a lot of cash to be throwing around...and Life Touch (good ol' Life Touch) takes it upon themselves to photograph these children THREE TIMES A YEAR!
what? two of those times they don't even give the parents the opportunity to pre-order then only photograph the kids who actually can and will buy.
nope. they disrupt the whole school (taking up classroom and hallway space and valuable instruction time) for days on end...snapping shots of every kid in sight...
most of whom haven't even combed their hair. and if they haven't (they don't)...the photographer has a handy dandy trusty multi-child comb he or she whips out to tame the fly aways.
without fail...two weeks after picture day there is an outbreak of lice.
after photographing all these kids (for the second or third time that year) they take the liberty to go ahead and print up packages for ALL OF THEM.
yes. all of them.
they then send them home with the kids with cool lil' gadgets like stickers, bookmarks, and photo back pack tags...and expect the parents to cough up the money to keep from breaking the kids' hearts.
if they can't (and don't) pay...they are supposed to return the packages to the school, who then returns them to the studio...
who then destroys all of that good paper, non-biodegradable ink and plastic.
I hate them.
so every year I make it a point to write an incredibly nasty and accusatory note and send it along with my child on picture day. two years ago I threatened the teacher's life if she let them photograph my kid, again.
lo and behold, her class was called down while with the social studies teacher (who hadn't read my 'fight the man....and Life Touch' note)...and I got another set of cheesey portraits to throw away.
this year, as tradition dictates, we wrote another note...
however, my kid is older and wiser than before and has learned that I'm crazy...and just didn't get in line when it was her turn.
I ALMOST KINDA feel bad that I'm making her a social outcast with my strong opinions and general distaste for anything commercial. Last night, when she saw us cackling away while filling out her 'order form' she said, "oh, no. not again. can't you just be normal or something?" I said hell no and threw my fist in the air. She then told me, "sometimes...you just gotta go with the flow." Negative, I say. Threw the fist in the air again and said, "fight the man, my child." She rolled her eyes and walked away. despite her rebuking my views...I know it. the force is strong with this one...even though she didn't hand in my note.
curses!
I suppose...I'll just have to mail my notes directly to the studio, instead...
with a bomb.
2 comments:
I read this aloud to Brian (aloud. Out loud sounds so much less..creepy, right? I'm keeping it!) a minute ago and he guffawed. Yes, a cavernous guffaw. This wins for Best Post of The Second Trimester. Anyway.. Love the crumpled note pic. It's even funnier than the F**ck*d up LifeTouch pic my parents have of me squinting posed in front of levelor blind looking things. Hair back-lit,too, 'natch. It's the kiddie version of Glamour Shots except the latter doesn't pollute the environment.
I totally forgot they print the whole thing out to guilt parents.
I have never seen a school photo I liked.
But we buy the class group shot every year so the kids can look back fondly when they're old and pathetic like me.
Post a Comment