last night I dreamt that I was living, again, in the house I grew up in. I was cooking. I was crying.
I was completely alone.
I had no friends to contact. No one nearby to bounce my voice and vibe off of. Not even a dog to wrestle with.
so alone.
I'm curious (now that I'm "awake") how much of those feelings are trully reminiscent of my childhood. might explain why I'm such an attention whoring spazz...
and how much of that was simply just a yicky dream.
last night I spent my first night with the kid since tuesday. first night back with the dogs since wednesday. haven't seen peggy, julie or any others for a week and I still haven't seen oqui.
on the rides to and from new hampshire I talked for hours. literally. six out of the eight or so hours was spent catching up on late phone calls. I wasn't alone on that ride.
I wasn't alone on that farm, either. it was the first trip where I realized...I didn't really NEED to stick with the group. I would've had tons of company on the farm...all of it calm and chill.
even the disgusting fucking pigs (I SERIOUSLY hate pigs, now).
there is no doubt in my mind that I need that type of communal environment from time to time. I think that may be why I'm so drawn to children...they share (emotionally, physically, spiritually) so much more readily than most adults (hippies not withstanding). I have to be part of a group.
I require almost constant attention and stimulation.
which reminds me...
I need to water my plants.
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