I give up.
I bought a can of diet coke and broke open the bottle of vanilla vodka.
I had a bowl of shephard's pie and two handfuls of chocolate chips.
I had a peppermint patty...and I'm contemplating the purchase of another.
my body...is no longer my own. I'm turning it over to the forces of Stolichnya and York Peppermint patties.
today...has been weird. as. fucking. shit.
signs
I met Oqui at a cutesy little park for lunch today to cheer him up (being that my uber bitchy moon induced mood wore off on him). we ate sammiches. fed ducks. chased squirrels...or at least WANTED to chase them...motivation lacking, we just kinda made faces and weird noises. we toured the caboose (pics for sale). visited the chocolate factory...and discussed climbing and riding.
it went a little something like this:
me: I don't think I want to climb or ride for a while.
him: hmm...why don't you want to?
me: its not that I don't want to...its...just that I...don't want to.
him: well, you have to do something. I guess we'll hike.
the discussion continued to include some speculation as to why I "don't want" to ride or climb. there's the "my body is just telling me not to" theory...there's the "it's just too hot" theory. there's the "I'm lazy. leave me alone" theory...there's the "I overtrained and it was bad for me" hypothesis...so on and so forth. yada yada blase blah.
then...we turned the corner.
him: you see that?
me: nope.
him: (pointing to HUGE RED LETTERED SIGN) that.
me: oh. "do not climb," eh?
him: is that a sign or what?
me: yup. it's a sign alright.
him: no (dumbass)....a sign.
me: oh. oh, my god! well, I guess that answers that.
roger that, universe. no climbing for a suki.
but...why, I ask? I don't want to sound ungrateful, oh great undeniable forces of the cosmos...but can I maybe get an explanation? is it his finger? am I going to fall? is it bees? you know I hate the fucking bees...
what is it?
so, while I've accepted my gut feeling (and the red lettered sign from above) and won't be planning any climbing for a bit...
I'm still stuck with the why's of things.
and speaking of things...
I came home to one of these today:
I guess that means that once I shake off the hangover I'm undoubtedly going to give myself...it's go time for my currently unemployed ass.
cleaning. showings. money. job. moving. (bed chewing) dogs.
but...that is all for tomorrow's planning and acting.
tonight...it's just me, diet coke (<---poison. I'm trying to poison myself), and a bottle of fermented something or other.
4 comments:
better to take a break from climbing while you still have tendons in your wrists. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
That being said, my wrists still aren't better. I am going to the doctor tomorrow. And I'm going climbing tonight... because, well... the doctor will fix everything tomorrow right?
Anyway... you've got to focus on some serious shit right now... like get a job so you can make sure you have money for climbing trips in the future... and health insurance for future bee stings or falls.
hang in there. it all works out. alcohol helps.
why diet coke?
Go big!
Ummmm...i thought i was done with vodka, but anything vanilla sounds good to me!
Not sure I agree that "alcohol helps" and might have a slightly differing opinion as to which is more poisonous, diet coke or vodka, but nobody's asking... ;-)
I do know two things for sure:
1) we'll be here for ya when you're back from your 18-hr checkout.
2) life WILL get better.
I am confused
sounds like you are at a crossroads
it sounds like you are about to explode
but that may be cathartic
the alcohol does not help
but what do I know
I am comfortably numb
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