bustle-y day

from the mind (ha!) of cookie dog:

***barking at the wind! barking at the wind! barking at the wind! barking at the wind! -pause- sniffing my ass. barking at the wind!***

from the mind of nandie pants:

***barking at the wind! barking at the wind! barking at the wind! barking at the wind! -pause- sniffing cookie's ass. barking at the wind!***

from the mind of suki:

**SHUT UP I KEEEEEL YOU BOTH!!!***

santa can suck it

Santa,

You fat dirty fuck! What a wonderful gift I got...half a night's sleep.

JUST ONE TEENY HALF.

When I asked for 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep...I didn't mean Monday.

I MEANT EVERYDAY.

but you knew that, didn't you?

you dirty cocksmoking sumnabitch. enjoy watching the suki suffer, don't you? I'm dying over here, and you love it. you, sir, are one sick fuck.

from now on,

I'm writing my letters to the easter bunny.

Suki

Ps. I hope you choke on the cookies, douchebag.

got what I wanted!

Dear Santy Clause,

Thank you for the bestest Christmas present ever...

5 whole uninterrupted hours of sleep!!!

It was the bestest gift ever ever ever ever!

Love,
The Suki

too busy to bitch...err, I meant blog

firstly, I hope everyone had a super duper holiday. honestly...I mean that. (believe it or not hehehe)

ours was...hectic. christmas eve never happened for us.

the prof is not doing so hot, lately. he stopped breathing in the middle of the night and has pretty much been screaming non-stop for days.

I'm hoping dietary changes will hook him up with some relief...if not, my god. the poor thing will just continue to suffer.

we made christmas morning happen. it was nice. small family. little bit of food and "grab bag" presents.

my grandfather got a bag of bows...and someone got my car keys.

we're broke. it was late. I was tired...I'm still looking for one of the dogs.

the prof is still in bad shape (in fact screaming his head off downstairs with 'pah)...so I'm a bit (more) frazzled (than usual).

while the holiday wasn't all sugar plums and candy canes...

it didn't totally blow, and quite frankly...

at this stage in the game, I'll take that.

Happy Holidays from teh Sukster, the 'pah, monkey and Mr. Ballistic!

Christmas is a cluster fuck

we not only dried the tree off...but completely out, as well.

I'm guessing it'll last 'til the 26th...maybe longer since my sunroom is about 14 degrees.

we went to the mall tonight. the far away mall. the its so damn cold you can't open your car door and you're now trapped in the mall-mall.

the griswalds got nothing on us.

the prof went ballistic. overstimulated. I guess nursing him in the food court was just too much...

so I finished in Arby's.

the monkey slammed the grocery getter's hatch on my head. oqui kicked me and I tore the nail on my business finger into the nail bed.

in retaliation I:

-punched the car
-scratched the kid
-kicked oqui back
-and gave myself the finger

I still don't have any gifts for anyone. I haven't made any that I said I was going to. my house is really REALLY really trashed, now (like the dogs got into the diaper pail kinda trashed). I'm broke and have no food and have to cook for the party that was supposed to be here, but is now moved elsewhere because I cried like a little girl about it...

and I forgot, ever so briefly, about the prof's disastrous reaction to dairy, drank half a milkshake and he's once again pooing green and screaming bloody murder.

anyone know where I can get me some tofu cheese?

never mind. don't answer that. if it came to tofu cheese...



I'd...well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

treesicle

we're really not very bright.

we finally decided today to get our tree (I was convinced that if I stayed angry enough christmas just wouldn't happen this year...but lo and behold the fucking thing showed up, anyway).

its cold as shit, so we get bundled of all bundled up and drag our sorry asses, the prof AND the dogs out to bumblefizzle to tag our tree.

we had either completely forgotten our recent "winter weather events" or...we're just plain dumb.

we're heading on down the highway, over the river, through the woods and past the frozen power lines when I start to get this niggling feeling that sumzhing...just aint right.

glorious winter beauty abounds. an amazing blanket of white as far as the eye can see. trees, shrubs, fields, roads...shiny. amazing. covered in ice.

how long do you cook a christmas tree?

I knew we were making a boo boo, but the car was loaded and I just didn't give a fuck. we picked our three hundred pound ice laden beast, strapped it to the roof of the grocery getter...scratches be damned.

we drug that mother fucker home, rather unceremoniously unloaded it (it's tremendous weight threw oqui about 14 feet when he let loose its bonds) and realized...

we didn't have the hole drilled in the trunk.

yeah. we're focking BRILLIANT.

so the treesicle is on the back porch, nestled snuggly under a tarp with a space heater running full blast for shits and giggles. we attempted to give it a new 'do with a blow dryer and realized...

we aint THAT fucking stupid.

next step is to drag it to the side of the house, fire up the clothes dryer and see if the vent won't do some damage to the ice floe.

if'n we ever get it defrosted...

we still have to figure out how to get that cocksucker to stand.

I like oqui's version better

"we're trully fucked" had me laughing out loud. at least he still has a sense of humor...

-------------------------------------------------------

This week has been just horrible!The weather is cold, cloudy and uninspiring. I've been literally breaking my back have had little quality time with the Prof, the dogs no longer recognize me, and I'm feeling drained, pale and stressed out.

The house is a constant battle, smells like pee and is ready for a nuclear weapon. Honestly, I can't wait to crawl into a deep coma and wake up in Utah!!!

Geneia and I are at each other's throats over any little thing. Having a baby has put a gigantic strain on our relationship.

The Monkey's grades have improved from last quarter, however I constantly have to make sure she completes the work, her room is more of a disaster than the rest of the house put together and she needs a major lesson in how to help out around the house without asking 40 times over the course of 7 days, and without the bullshit teenage attitude. She gets off Scott (haha) free here at home.

The Prof has been spitting, gagging and still has painful reflux. He's sleeping at best 5 hours a night but more like 5 minutes a night and both Geneia and I have suffered as a result. Sleep, what in the hell is that?

We have no money and are planning a family vacation to the bankruptcy court. We've also organized a charity toy drive for us. and are busy, busy, busy joining the growing mass of those less fortunate this season.

We're truly fucked.

Appreciation is certainly hard to earn. Positive attitudes are a thing of the past.

Sincerely,Mr. Scrooge McFucknut

bizarro blog

This week has been just excellent!

The weather is warm, sunny and inspiring. I've been taking lots of long walks with the Prof and the dogs, and the I'm feeling toned, tan and trim.

The house looks gorgeous and is ready for the holidays. Honestly, I can't wait for my entire family to come over for christmas. this'll be the best christmas EVER!!!

Oqui and I are closer than ever. Having a baby has worked wonders for our relationship.

The Monkey's grades have really improved, her room is clean and she's been a tremendous help around the house.

The Prof has really settled in nicely. no more spitting, gagging or painful reflux. He's sleeping peacefully through the night and I'm pretty well rested, myself.

We've got plenty of money and are planning a family vacation to the Mediterranean so we can just relax and enjoy each other some more. We've also organized a charity toy drive and are busy, busy, busy helping those less fortunate this season.

We're trully blessed.

spoiled rotten

rocking endlessly in my arms.

sleeping for hours on my chest.

occassionally weasling his way into bed with mommy and daddy.

cuddling, snuggling, noodling.

yup, teh Suki's getting spoiled.

he ran into my foot. honest

since my daily life brings absolutely NOTHING of interest these days...I'm gonna go ahead and start telling stories from my past.

gonna start small since my attention span is...ooh. look at the pretty flower!

Brian and Vicky. sister and brother. evil incarnate. they were the neighborhood bullies (until I inherited the spot) in my childhood...well, 'hood.

Vicky was considerably older than I was, thus, we had limited encounters. the only one I can CLEARLY remember was when she offered me a piggy back ride...

only to drop my dumb ass in a puddle.

fucking bitch. I told my Grampa (father of 11 of his own and pretty much EVERYBODY'S grampa...'cept mine that day). he found her on the playground. asked her what happened. she lied. he (at least appeared to) believe(d) her. I felt violated. only this morning did I realize that he was humoring her.

fucking bitch.

her hellion brother brian was closer to my age and we clashed almost daily.

all that ended when he accidentally ran into my foot. my grandparents owned an urban church and my father was the pastor. we were southern baptists, which I'm guessing explains a whole hella lot. every year missionaries from the DEEP DEEP south used to come up and stage vacation bible school. I hated that week.

we lived in the parsonage above the church, and were promptly evicted from our bedrooms to make space for classrooms all week. meaning...neighborhood kids were chilling in my bedroom and eating in my kitchen.

fucking bitches.

where was I? oh, yeah...brian and vicky. they were neglected, abused and acting out (frankly, so was I but nobody seemed to give a shit about that. now did they?)...and got away with MURDER because they "needed the attention."

round about wednesday of that week I had had enough of brian's incorrigable ass rumaging through my shit, raining on my parade and pissing me off.

so...I was standing on the steps outside. he approached from the sidewalk approximately 4 feet below...

and his mouth accidentally ran into my foot.

what I gotta say? the boy was clumsy.

-whistling innocently-

so I said I was gonna stop complaining of breast 'tenderness' and nipple pain, right?

right.

so....I'll have a coke.

The Prof seems to be having a pretty good day. we've elevated any and everything he lies on and I'm going dairy free.

I'm practically starving as I'm incredibly lazy and a glass of milk, cup of yogurt or piece of cheese are easy to grab and have been pretty much my only sustenance since the booger's birth...but it'll give me an opportunity to seek other...more creative...eating options.

like McDonald's and shit.

my poor baby :(

the good news is that wednesday's barium swallowing episode showed that he doesn't have pyloric stenosis and DOESN'T need surgery.

the bad news is that he has wicked reflux.

he snorts and has labored breathing.
his voice and cries are nasally and raspy.
he spits up...alot.
he has trouble nursing (hence my boobs being the single most painful thing on the planet..ever).
he's in pain.

Initially, I was convinced to medicate him. now that I've done more reading, I think I'm going to hold off on the drugs.

there are slings and pillows that elevate. I can eliminate some things from my diet. massage. etc...

if he's still in pain, though...I'll give him the zantac.

it breaks my heart to see that feeding him...

hurts him as much as it hurts me.

his comfort is waaay more important than mine.

I'm done complaining about my boobs, now. honest.

tall moment

I had a revelation last night. at least it seemed like one to my sleep deprived, slightly deranged mind...

and I felt really tall.

significant.

then it passed and I shrank (all but my muffin top, that is)...

and life continues.

if I should happen to find 6-8 minutes of uninterrupted time later, I might just fill y'all (yes. I just used "y'all") in on it.

this sucks

I'm fat.
It's raining.
I'm tired.
Babies are boring.

I'm out of chocolate.

for once

I'm irritated about something other than my good for nothing (but irritation) boobers.

in a fit of pregnancy...I gave away all my clothing.

not surprisingly, the only articles to survive the purgeocaust were my "climbing" clothes.

so I've got a closet full of racer back tanks, dirty long sleeve t's and fleece jackets...

all reeking of camp fire and making me hate my life just about now.

YETMEOUTTAHERE!!!!