no sense in sugar-coating it...
oqui, you're an asshole.
no, not all of the time...just when you really need not to be. as long as there is no conflict, you're the best partner a girl could have. you're affectionate, considerate and cuddly to boot.
HOWEVER, the second things don't go your way, you have the emotional maturity of one of my reetee students.
but I'm not your teacher, or your mother and if you keep treating me with indifference, inconsideration and selfish-passive-aggressive-immature-BULLSHIT...I will reach my limit.
what I'm saying is (just to make sure we understand each other):
I have limits. physically, mentally, emotionally...and being swollen, achey, hormonal and challenged do nothing to stretch those limits.
should you happen to turn your back on me in one more selfish immature fit...
you might just end up with a steak knife in it.
...37 times.
yesterday you treated me with less consideration than you would a hated co-worker. you condemned me for eating FOUR FUCKING SQUARES OF CHOCOLATE and nearly pulled me down a flight of steps in efforts to pry any remnants from my hand.
the worst part is...I thought you were kidding. I thought we were playing...then you stomped out and slammed the door.
you've GOT to be joking, right?
you're so concerned about the effects of a bit of chocolate on this child that you'd risk tossing me down a flight of hardwood (accident or not - I don't give a fuck)...then never apologize.
how about a little appreciation for what I AM doing to nuture a healthy baby, huh? how about some acknowledgment of what I have and will continue to sacrifice in order to give this monkey the best start? how about the fact that I'm losing my strength, fitness, outlets (all of them), and bladder control? how about the fact that my back is killing me and my feet are gigantic...and you're eating jujubees and rootbeer for dinner while I'm choking down cottage cheese? how about the three months of feeling like I was being poisoned while you rode your bike? or the month of skull crushing headaches after that...and never taking so much as a tylenol to relieve it?
how about me climbing 5.FUCKING.6's instead of 10's? how about you insisting on wanting to be more involved with this "pregnancy piece" and only reading your "Husband Coached Child Birth" book while you SHIT!!! then complaining of how boring it is?
anything like that ever happens again and I will crack your skull open with a frying pan.
I'm serious.
and again...to be certain we understand each other, here is a list of other infractions that will invariably end with you in a coma (and me in jail):
-ignoring me for ten minutes when I call you to dinner or snubbing your nose at food I've hand prepared for you. if you so much as wrinkle your nose at a plate of steaming dog shit while this child is around...I will fucking murder you.
-expecting ME to be the one to cave all the time. news flash: I won't. we can only fight for so long before you either grow the fuck up or I change the locks. I don't tolerate inconsiderate treatment from ANYONE....particularly not my "best friend" or "partner." capishe?
-putting a hand on me for anything other than sex, more sex, comfort or assistance. if I had had any idea whatsoever yesterday that you were actually mad (it was really hard for me to tell since I happened to be laughing so hard)...instead of running up the steps I would've turned around and kicked you in the fucking sack. really. fucking. hard. honestly...how dare you?
-and if you feel the need to survive on a soda and candy diet (particularly while being indifferent about MY meals)...you can take that shit elsewhere. the very first time either of my children says to me, "ewww! what's that? I'm not eating THAT!"...I'm slitting your throat.
consider this a very public and explicit warning...
stop fucking with me.
I'm not in the mood...nor will I be for ooh....let's see...the next 40 or 50 years.
2 comments:
Well there's your kick to my balls...all three of them. Agreed poor reaction. Although the attempt to pry chocolate from your hand on the stairway, was not done in anger. LEt that be entered into public record. I would never lay a hand on you for anything but comfort, tooshie rubbing, and maybe the occasional 'shocker'.
As far as the book reading while I shit goes...that seems to be the only time that I'm either not already doing something like straightening up the house for assholes that hate a short basement, picking up dog poop or exhausted from any combination of the above...or applying my hands to you in any of the aforementioned scenarios.
For the record, the only climbing I've done you have done...so I'm right beside you on the 5.6's.
Any decision on the weekend? I'm thinking camping Friday and chilling Saturday with a local ride con uncle Ron Sunday am.
Now...back to dreaming of the day that FDA studies find Jujubes to be as potentially beneficial, in moderation, as chocolate.
Love ya,
Diablo
wow. Are you ok?
(I know you moderate these comments so I'm sending this since I can't find/don't have your e-mail addy. Feel free to delete/not publish)
Not that you need this but I'm sending it anyway... tell O that it's everything in moderation for the baby. This has been proven by Marie (my wife) 4 times over (and many other Moms before and after her). All my kids are healthy and for one of them we didn't even know she was preggers and she got shit-faced when we were off camping in Algonquin park! That baby ended up being the biggest of the lot (11 lbs ffs!) I mean, I didn't think that was a big deal but Marie tells me it was especially 'cause he has a giganto head! She has insisted that she is still going to find a way to simulate the experience for me... I told her I'd have to pass. He's obviously learned the hard way (at least I hope he learned from this) that you never fuck with a pregnant woman's food.
ever.
no really.
never.
Anyway Suki, I hope you're okay and tell O to finish his fucking book and then throw it all out and just be there for you to support you. It's in his best interest (as you so eloquently pointed out in your post), it's in the best interest of his partner (teh Suki) and it's in the baby's best interest... just.be.supportive.
Thinking of you,
suds
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