b(e)

it's 7:35. wednesday night. I'm alone in the house (strange that it seems to have taken me several hours to realize that) when I realized:

I'm lying in my bed, in my jammies...with nothing but a book and a bean burrito...

and I'm content.

perspective.

mine just changed. if the only thing I need in my life to quiet my nerves and rejuvenate my spirit is some down time...

I'm ridiculously lucky.

there was a time in my life when an empty house (quite the rarity) and a book wouldn't have been enough. would have been depressing. I needed so much more. times when I felt lonely. unloved. lost.

my life is so full, now. sometimes full to the point of bursting...full with a drooling dog or two eyeing up both my bed and my burrito...but full.

experiences. positive, negative, neutral...I'm pretty fucking lucky to have as many as I do.

I'm loved. I'm secure. I'm productive. I get hugs from children. I make love to my man. I kiss a beautiful child good night. I pet my loyal dogs. I walk barefooted on my cold cold floors.

I remember times in my life when I couldn't say those things. I like these times better. my plate might be full and I might get overwhelmed.

but, right now...

I'm cool with that.



I'll count myself among the lucky ones and shoot for one bean burrito book night among many scrambling, shuffling others...

to retain some perspective.