7:35pm was the revelation of my blessings and subsequent resolve to remain positive.
8:05pm I went to go poo, got to thinking (as one does on the can) and came to yet ANOTHER brand spanking new and contradictory conclusion.
guilt.
I feel tremendously fucking guilty.
I was all cozied up, warming the seat, feeling good about my life when I said to myself, "Life is good, at least you aren't lonely"
then holy shit storm of shit storms (figuratively. the actual poo was frightened off by the emotional one)....
it hit me.
HE IS LONELY.
and its entirely my fucking fault.
I've been disallowing myself comfort and calm because I've caused him the opposite.
now all the peace and serenity of 38 minutes ago is gone...
replaced, once again...
by guilt.
tell me....somebody...PLEASE...
that this ends.
well.
for all of us.
2 comments:
a work mate of mine keeps telling me, "keep smiling, tomorrow will get worse"! And, Today is the best day of the rest of your life. Meaning, it doesn't get any better than this...
imagine that
You just have a conscience. And with that comes guilt. You handled the situation the absolute best way you could and absolutely better than most. You could have hurt him more by remaining silent (and thus not true to yourself, or him) but didn't.
And guess what? Because if the way you handled this, he doesn't hate you. He could have if you were dishonest but you were not. You chose him at one point so he must be an amazing person.He will get through this. On some level he knows that this was the best thing for both of you. I wasn't married when I was in a similar situation but in a serious long term relationship; the guilt does dissipate.
PS-Happy Turkey day; Brian is cooking today and I am on my ass. The way I like it!
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