so we're having a baby...(and other realizations)

after five months of feeling so very much NOT like myself...I think I've finally accepted the fact that I'm pregnant.




I'm still getting used to the cold hard fact that we're having a baby, though.



I'm reading up on home birth (hospitals and I do NOT get along) and realized that our child could be born in the very bed we conceived it.



we MADE a human!!!

...trippy.



it contents me to know that soon my life will have a new direction and purpose (right now it has almost none)...while simultaneously scaring me shitless.



polar ice caps melting. madmen in office. the happening.



what the hell are we doing???




so, yeah. from time to time I feel a kick, get to thinking and get totally spazzed about what all this means.



a child. ANOTHER human on this already crowded planet. we ease our fears and concerns by convincing ourselves that this child has purpose and will ultimately impact our society in tremendous (and hopefully GOOD) ways.



no pressure on my parenting or anything like that. we're taking this reaaaaaaaaaallll easy.
*cough*



other things I occassionally realize:



-I look better with red hair. I'm going to make this happen soon.



-I'm not fat. I'm pregnant...and fat. yesterday presented me with the knowledge that the difference between me feeling sexy and like a cow boils down to less than two pounds of love handle. pregnant or no....love handles are love handles. no likey. take 'em back.



-relationships aren't always easy...even really passionate and loving ones like the 'pah and I have (perhaps especially really passionate ones???) we moved quickly so we've still got things to work out. minor things. I'll concede to that...but minor things can be annoying under pressure...



...and hormones.



-I'm bored. I'm waiting for a new job to start. the house is nearly spotless. there's food in the fridge. I don't feel like crafting. I've read three books in the last two days . I shouldn't be painting (and I REALLY WANT to. there are a few pieces of furniture that need refinishing). no prenatal yoga this week. I don't have cable and its supposed to rain today. what to do now???



I know! pick fights with the kid and the 'pah.



-we should be in new jerseyshire.

it was a year ago today that we realized we were much more than friends...and started making plans. *le sigh* if gas didn't cost three billion bucks a gallon...we'd be packing (light) and hitting the road for the farm. 10 hours of driving would so totally be worth it to spend tonight together in our special place.



-we're losing our sense of adventure (see above).



-I'm happiest surrounding by green and/or blue (ie. the woods. the sky. the ocean.) the suburbs are visually and psychologically stifling. no likey. I want out.



-it is very likely that noone will buy this house and I'll be stuck rocking the suburbs.

-we should be getting married this weekend.

...pity I can't drink.