none of them fit. I'm not playing here, folks. this isn't (yet) another suki's-bloated-feeling-miserable-and-whining-to-the-world-attention-seeking-device.
nosirreebob.
I'm fat.
I have precisely two pairs that fit...and two months ago - they both fell off. I'm not particularly concerned, mind you. dropping a pants size or two is (or WAS?) a simple matter of climbing/hiking/riding a bit more and laying off (to a minor extent) the choccy.
I'm belaboring this point only in order to make my next one.
which is that:
tight pants hurt.
they hurt so bad, in fact, that I've been nursing a ball of fire in my belly for the last 5 hours. hellfire and brimstone now reside in (or near) my bowels.
which is a set of facts that only rate explaining in order to set the stage for the next item on the agenda.
which is that:
I had to make a ginormous poopie today in an unlockable bathroom.
not fun, ladies and gents...not fun. add to non-existant lock the facts that:
-this building houses 400+ students a day
-I'm wearing a leopard print thong (that I'm not particularly interested in anyone seeing)
-I have a birthmark on my ass (that I'm not particularly interested in anyone seeing)
-I keep getting caught with my pants down (kids, fellow trail goers, nosey neighbors)
-and the TP is tree bark
and you, my friends, have a recipe for skidmarks. I was in such a hover-induced (did I mention the other 400+ asses using this seat?) hurry that wiping...unfortunately...was not my main priority.
I'm not complaining, mind you...just pointing out the facts.
the most of important of which is that I'd LOVE to head on home and scrub my ass.
1 comment:
So you shit your tight pants eh?
Tush-ay! You dirty filthy hippie!
Auntie Enema is coming!
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