I'm not doing so great with fat women...

I met a woman today who I instantly disliked. I knew the moment she walked in the door that I was going to hate her ass...all by the sound of her voice.

what does the voice of a mega-cunt sound like, you ask?

well, kinda like an orca...

..but with a hebrew accent.

I was at an old friend's house (sup, lisa?) with the kid, and her kids, and someone else's kids...and even a spare dog...when uber cunt gives her a ring to see what she was up to. the portion of the conversation that I could hear went like this, "well...I have someone over right now. an old friend. haven't seen her in a while...but if you REALLY want to you can bring it over"

so she did. "it" being one of those inflatable backyard pool jobbies. she drags "it" and her 2 year old directly into the backyard and starts giving orders as to its set-up and installation. like I said...I despised her instantly. she had an authoritative air about her (one that seems an awful lot like a lazy opportunistic heffa talking) that made me want to arm-wrestle her for the last hershey's kiss. being as she's israeli (and therefore mandatory military), about two-twenty, and has an obviously large chip on her shoulder...I'm kinda glad I didn't, though.

as much as I love teh choccy...no kiss is worth a manatee eating my arm.

anyway...as heffa-ho-slutty-hussy continues about her business setting up shop in my homegirl's backyard...her daughter happens to step in fresh doggie doo. and THIS is where I KNOW I hate her. instead of doing a single solitary thing about it...even AFTER I point out to her that "little G" (cause her real name is impossible to pronounce or spell) had a run in with a turd, she simply states "lisa'll get it".

oh, damn. I wanna hurt this ho, now. take advantage much? she issued order after order for her overly accommodating hostess and did nothing but sit on her rump the remainder of my stay there. which was...as you can imagine...

rather brief.

not brief enough, though, to avoid a verbal confrontation with Rohine-ba-bohine-ma-mohine. our still super accommodating hostess (sup, lisa?) starts offering up food, beverage,etc. Lisa asks me if Bayl can have a soda to wit I, quite obviously replied "no"

she asks if she can have a diet soda. again with the no.

our resident killer whale takes issue with this, and after staring at me cock-eyed for a few finally busts out with the "I don't mean to be judgemental...but can I ask you a question?"

oh, hell yeah. if it means I get to spar with your ass...judge away, moo-bitty.

she proceeds to condemn my choice to disallow the child even DIET (of all the horrors) soda! (gasp. how dare I). at this point...

I'm soooo laughing on the inside.

I gave her the calm short version of why I find it a poor dietary choice. all of the compounded general purpose not-so-goodness of it and think I've stated my case.

nope. she wants to argue.

she says she thinks I'm stupid, fanatical, etc...and SHE finds nothing wrong with giving it to her two year old and is perfectly comfortable with her choice...at which point our hostess interjects with a "hey, ro. you know suki lost like 15lbs. doesn't she look great?"

ahahahahahahahah

now, I'm laughing on the outside.

all told...before it was over, the sea cucumber defended her choice to smoke, drink soda, be fat, inactive and angry, and push people around all the while I sat eating chips, salsa and drinking some spring water.

hey, lady. I didn't start this convo, nor do I really give a flying fiz-nuck about your poor choices. my decisions for myself and my daughter have absolutely DICK to do with you and in no way, shape or form imply judgement...

until you open your twinkie holster and start a fat-defending (that's something like death-defying, but less effective) debate.

then...then I blog about your fat ass while drinking my nut milk and kale juice.

VIVA LA VEGETABLES!!!