last night...my sweet little innocent doll of a (physically developed) 12 year old daughter came home with something to tell us.
it took her 53 mis-starts to finally blurt out:
this weekend Mikey asked me out, and I said yes.
oh no, she didn't!
firstly, we tried the whole "boyfriend" thing on for size last summer and I permanently vetoed it. it was nothing but trouble and pressure for her to kiss some slimy little pre-teen.
not on my watch.
soooooooo...the fact that she said yes (Mikey, by the way...was one of THREE boys to ask her out last weekend. school dances can suck a fat one) is reason enough to chuck boogers at her.
the fact that he's 16...well, that's reason enough to STAB him.
add to that the fact that he's on house-arrest (wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf?)...and that's got oqui and the monkey's dad dressed up in hoodies ready to throw some 'bows.
sooo...he got a little phone call from the suki. I started off slow.
hi. I'm b's mom. so I hear you guys have some good news for us, huh?
(he grumbles)
well, so anyway...since you're part of the family, now...I just have a few questions for you.
(he squeaks)
so, um...yeah. what school do you go to?
(he lies)
now, now, mikey. I know you don't go to her school. let's try this again without you being a little lying piece of shit (oqui says in the background "that's it, I'm going to kill him") no, no, oqui....you can't kill him...yet.
(the little shit hangs up)
soo...he's getting stabbed.
in the course of the evening long lecture that followed I extrapolated certain other information.
LIIIIKE...
he's on house-arrest (wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf?)
he smokes
HE'S SIX-FUCKING-TEEN
she saw him this weekend (she INSISTS he had a 'day pass' to get a haircut and walked by her friend's house)
did i mention he's six-fucking-teen?
he's best friends with her best friend's boyfriend.
^ and THAT is my biggest problem, thus far.
we've had problems with her best friend before. she's an incredibly smart but extrememly misguided kid with two druggie parents who use her as a weapon against each other.
so, basically...she's a major fucking pain in my ass.
I was tempted to disallow the monkey from hanging with this kid a few weeks ago when she tried to convince her to skip out on track practice to go see these boys. my child refused. this pain in the ass called her a punk. my child still refused, and I narrowly avoided cutting someone's hair off.
meanwhile...at the very next meet, her best friend is running (the ONLY race she ran, btw, cause she's academically ineligible. real winner, I know), her ponytail slips and I see hickies.
wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf?
she was at her loser boyfriend's house until 9:fucking:30 the night she ditched practice...and came back with hickies.
like I said...I wanted to ban this girl indefinitely right there and then...but knew if I push too hard, my kid'll act just like her. instead, I SUGGESTED that my daughter limit her time with the bad influence crowd and focus more on the less rebellious kids.
and I thought she did.
I was wrong...and now she's got two choices:
1. stay away from this band of thugs at all cost
2. rot away in her room
we do not struggle with money to keep her in a good district so she can up and choose to hang with juvies. I made it very clear that if this is the crowd she chooses...despite the abundance of good available nerds...
there is no reason for us to stay here.
I mentioned "home schooling," "antarctica," and "mountain top cabin."
(I also mentioned "bald, plaid pants and bobo sneakers")
I hope to god she realizes I'm not playing.
5 comments:
1)Oqui make a me LAFF. Chiming in the background, yes! Did you really tell the delinquent he was a lying little shit. I love. You.
2) I fear the bad friend influence too (of course it will be a long time until then for us..) I fear living in an unfilmed after school special.
3) I am down with drastic threats. I find them useful!
4)Holy shit am I glad I had a boy.
Then again I'll have a host of exclusively 'boy' issues to deal with when the time comes. Or, no- Brian will! ha ha ha. I can just be the enforcer and thug behind the decisions. Much better.
I can't believe that I TOTALLY forgot to mention that while oqui was pacing the floor and nursing his blood pressure he blurted out of nowhere:
THAT THING!!! BETTER HAVE A DAMN PENIS!!!
while pointing at my belly.
he later asked me if I thought he frightened the monkey, to wit I replied...
nah. not enough, anyway.
Damn. Scratch a parent, find a rock-ribbed Republican gun owner with permanent PMS and an attitude.
Just kidding. I have a four year old boy and, so help me, I'll go all goddam airborne over anybody that messes that kid up. Good on ya, Suki... parents are there to be parents, not best friends. I did public defender work years ago and it made me realize that parents are supposed to be strict-ass disciplinarians first - lord willin', you live until they're in their 20s and then you can be buddies but not before then. You give 'em all the love in the world, but they gotta remember who holds the pimp hand in my house... Yeah, that's right. It's momma. And I'm backin' her up 100% of the way.
Holy shit. I think I just decided not to be a parent.
That and I see TOO much of myself in your daughter's choices.
I think I'd lock her up... which would do no good. Holy shit.
jim,
its much worse than PMS...
I'm pregnant.
aaaaaaahahahahaha
know what that means? its JUSTIFIABLE homicide.
sam,
locking her up wouldn't work???
fuck.shit.damn.
looks like I'll be needing an alternate alternate plan.
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