man, did I drop the ball

not sure if you picked up on my overly-guilt laden under-tone (hehe that made me giggle) in the last post about not seeing the kid enough.

if not...feast your eyes on this post.

I completely and totally dropped the ball with her. not only did I forget what time she was supposed to be picked up from camp yesterday (and where) sending the husband on a forty-five minute wild goose chase while I played with OTHER PEOPLE'S kids...

but I didn't get up for her send-off wednesday morning, didn't redress her seeping wound on her shoulder, didn't send her with a tube of antibiotic ointment and strict instructions...

and didn't check it last night when I got home.

first thing I see this morning upon going in to wake her up for my let's-get-rid-of-mommy's-guilt-by-going-out-for-pancakes-breakfast was her pussy, WILDLY infected shoulder.

we're on our way to the doctor's office now where I will INSIST on a culture before letting them hop her up on antibiotics. where they'll refuse. and where we'll leave with a prescription for whatever the fuck them tell me to give her.

goddamn working is hard. this is just yet another example of how I just can't seem to fit more than one priority on my list. I know I've been busting my ass lately (at least for me, anyway)...but that shouldn't mean that I should be so NON present that something like this goes on undetected by me.

I trust and love my husband...but he's not a mommy.
I trust and respect her teachers...but they're not her mommy.
I even trust and love (cough, cough) her father...but he still isn't me.

EVERY time I feel I drop my guard and give her space...something comes up. I don't think that this cut got infected because I stopped caring about it...

but it sure feels that way.

[/continue guilt]