because every single outdoor light is now being left on at night. we're lighting this 'hood up like a sunufabitchin roman candle.
why?
so they don't steal the tires off of OUR cars, too.
yes. it's like that.
I swear to god, I live in suburban Compton.
we woke up the other morning to a knock on the door.
me: (looking out the window) oh, oq. I think they want you to move your car so the tow-truck can get in.
oq: huh? they wanna tow my car???
me: no. they wanna tow the neighbor's car.
oq: oh, no. why?
me: well...cause it doesn't have any fucking tires on it.
at least they had the courtesy to dismantle a neighboring garden wall to pull out the appropriately sized stones to jack it up.
ingenious thieving bastards.
really, their efforts are stellar.
normally, we turn the outside lighting off when we go to bed b/c there isn't a whole hella lot of foot traffic in this neck of the 'burbs. our street is fairly busy in terms of vehicular traffic...
but not too many mofickers decide to take a late night stroll around here. not like theres a 24 hour corner store...
or even street lights for that matter.
which is why, dear friends, we, as a neighborhood, have put ginormous, high wattage bulbs out front and back, set those bitches to burn...
and are all but daring the next set of tire stealing punks to set foot in this 'hood.
I swear to all things holy...
if somebody tries to set foot in this house, I will beat the bloody hell outta them with my great grandmother's skillet.
...again.
2 comments:
Let's not forget that we added significant amounts of Volatile Organic Compounds to the atmosphere with the plethora of paint products we are applying to the walls, the lead dust that undoubtedly stirs as we chip and sand away at 90 years of paint, the commute to the 'other' climbing gym, the methane gasses of two overweight pit-bull mixes, and diesel fumes from the arses of domicile inhabitants. But hey, at least we don't use plastic!
Serious lulz
Okay my favorite fight back story?
Brian used to live in Milwaukee in his band days and it was a proper ghetto.Anyway one night he woke up to a smashing window and saw a FOcker try to get in. He left (after grabbing some things, none too valuable) and this set the wheels in his bald head a turnin'. So next day Brian cheerfully, lovingly superglues 2 rows of upright straight edge razor blades to the window sill. Days later the guy CAME BACK. All Brian heard was a scream and someone swearing and then the brain trust criminal fled.
All was well again.
Let's hope it doesn't come to this.
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