climbing. yeah, I remember that.

went climbing yesterday. first time since I got sick (?) in Rumney.

almost two weeks without the cathartic feel (and sheer terror) of rock, squeeze and scrunch of uncomfortable shoes, the twist and pinch of a harness.

two weeks too long.

yesterday was a fantastic day. got some things off my chest, spent some quality time with some people who care about me, ate TWO WHOLE hamburger patties, and attempted my first 5.10 lead...

ever.

I wasn't feeling strong to say the least. putting a harness on was not quite excruciating...but definitely discomforting (yes. I gotta get that belly checked out. I have yet another appointment this friday), and I wasn't expecting much from myself.

...then I got cocky. I was giving my climbing partner shit for not man'ing up on something when the whole group had just about enough of it and hit me with a "then you do it."

fuck. the hardest lead I've ever attempted outside was a 9 at the New and I took a sick whipper on it...but I figured if I was gonna run my mouth...I'd better back it up.

I had just done this route on top rope for the first time about ten minutes earlier and knew I couldn't stick the crux move. it was too long a move for me...leaving nothing but the dyno (which I'm quite fond of, btw) a few feet above the last bolt for the finish hold.

I HATE falling from the finish hold on lead.

but it was a clean fall and I was feeling froggy.

I lept.

got clean through the first couple of bolts...had alot of encouragement. took a few well timed rests...

then fell half a dozen times at the crux.

FELT FUCKING AMAZING

I love the liberating feeling of tossing my body through the air...sticking the hold (or not) and knowing I've got a clean catch awaiting me. after the first fall...no fear. I went again and again and again and...then I got bored.

end result: I couldn't stick the move. didn't finish the route (oh, so close) and felt like a champion.

leading a ten was something I expected I'd work my way back up to by the end of summer but I pushed myself, faced my (overwhelming) fear of falling, dug deep and proved something to myself.

I'm sooo much stronger than I think I am.

...and kinda ballsy, too.