I didn't suspect that the most difficult part of leaving my husband...would be letting go of the kid.
she's been spending alot of time with her father and his girlfriend...and they're having an influence.
while my first inclination is to pick her up, drag her to the woods and readjust her priorities...I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do what I think is right...and loosen the apron strings. I feel that by this point I've had enough of an influence (have I mentioned once or twice that she's a fantastic kid?) to give her the option of experiencing some non-suki-mommy things.
like soda.
and cable.
and shopping malls.
I'm stuck, here. if I pull too hard she'll push back. if I'm too at odds with her "other family's" values...she'll be forced to align herself with one...and not adjust equally to both.
I don't WANT her to be with them. she's my baby. I WANT her to be here with me...
but I'm letting her finish out the week over there...
I feel fucking violated. NOBODY has the right to shape my child. I've given up everything in life to be a good mother for her...
how can somebody else just show up with a visa card and change my child's perspective?
is that even allowed to happen?
am I permitted to (inwardly) flip my shit over this?
what the hell am I supposed to do?
she's too young. too malleable...
she shouldn't be without her mom...not even for 6 days.
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in other news: my cultures were negative. there's no easy answer to why I got ill...why I still can't eat. why I lost so much weight. friday will see me once again at the GI doc's...this time staring down the barrel of more testing. I was told that "we" won't stop until "we've" figured out what caused it. I'm staying calm. I'm not sick. I'm mainly stressed. Testing only hurts a little. In the end there will be an answer. This, too, shall pass.
but seriously...why the hell does it all have to come to pass at once?
4 comments:
I'm convinced you shat blood from stress. I've done it. You'll be ok... it just takes some time.
I agree with airing out. It's what happened to me as well. I was tested for lots of different kinds of bacteria and infections, given the old scope by the hiney doctor and my final diagnosis was IBS: a stress-related "syndrome" that is decided upon after much more horrible things have been eliminated.
Sorry you're going thru this with the kiddo. I'm a horribly overprotective Mommy and I worry about the wrong kinds of influence. But at the same time, I want her to one day be able to understand what's valuable and what's garbage on her own, know what I mean? I had no idea this parenting thing was going to be so freakin' heartbreaking.
I third the idea that this is stress-related illness. Stress is a sneaky bastard, and most times our gut is the part that is most reactive to it.
By getting your feelings up and out - on here and wherever else you might share what you're going through - you're allowing healing to happen.
As always, deeeeeep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Repeat often.
Hmm,
I'd ask for a private meeting with your husband regarding his wife's interation with your daughter. Some people \'s anger manifiests itself through their interactions with other people, namely children. If his ife wants to hurt you, she knows she can effect your daughters behavior which effects your relationship with her and hurts your daughter who is used to your way of parenting. Kids don;t like this stuff. Your daughter, may think she's cool, fun and much looser compared to you. Let her do that, let her feel that from the stepmom, because you will be vindicated the first second she has to be a parent to your daughter and has to say "No" or gets into an argument about "I though you were cool"... it'll blow up in her face... and your daughter will once again understand you are mommy. It's a minor siaplacement.
I'd have to guess that she doesn;t view her Stepmother as a parent but more as a friend. That's bad, very bad for the stepmom and potentially dangerous for your daughter due to the potential of her feeling that she can do things with her or over there that you do not approve of.
Displacement... 2 houses should have very similar rules about the kid or kids, because in the end, it is all about them and not the parents. They suffer the most.
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